DH and I did our required counseling for our donor eggs. I guess they want to make sure we aren't crazy like "Octo mom." I am so amazed at how my clinic handles this things. They do the counseling to make sure you are dealing with everything. For my infertility buddies you all understand the ups and the downs. It is the first time in my treatment that someone has asked me if I was ok with this. For the first time since I started this process I am truly OK.
Ok now here is the real reason for this post. I have been debating whether just to disclose to everyone or just keep it between friends and family. This is actually a hard decision for me because I very open and honest about our infertility. The difference here is that it isn't my eggs. After I left counseling today I was set on sharing and especially for the reasons of helping other women dealing with infertility and specifically how we came to the decision of donor egg.
Will people actually treat my children differently because they are the product of donor? DH and I were talking in the car and he was telling me how this makes our children even more specially. We made the choices and picked you out of so many possible children. When I think about it that way how can I not share? I am just worried about those mean people in the world or people who are against donor eggs. Why should I miss out on the experience of carrying my own child because I have bad eggs? It is an amazing gift we are being given.
Juliet is 10weeks old today!~
10 years ago
3 comments:
I understand your struggle. My husband and I have often wondered whether we would be open with everybody if we needed to use donor sperm. For some reason that seems different to me than donor eggs, though. I feel like if we had to use donor eggs I would feel more comfortable sharing that. With donor eggs the mother may not have produced the egg, but everyone would still definitely see her as the legitimate birth mother, because she carried that baby for 9 months!
Maybe it is just that whole "masculinity" thing. And that if you use donor sperm then it really does seem (to other people) like DH was left out of the process, because what else is there for him to do but contribute sperm?
I'm glad you're comfortable with sharing. Nobody should look at your child any differently because he/she came from donor eggs.
Hi Susan,
I enjoyed reading your post and glad your meeting went well. I think I've changed my mind a little, or just thought about it more. I think I'd just tell your parents and then decide whether or not to tell the kids at the right age. I think it may not necessary to tell others. Or maybe along the way you'll decide a few people here and there to tell. I'm one of those people that sees how things go for a while before just telling someone something very personal to me. But that's me. As you know I'm adopted, only once that I can remember, did I have another child my age say something that hurt my feelings about being adopted. But in my adult life I'm open about being adopted as it has helped others see the success in such a thing. And maybe that's why you want to share your info. I totally get it. Just wanted to share my view. And I wanted to let you know you've been on my mind. KUP!
Thinking of you!
Kitty
BTW- I'm the one that voted.
I guess at this moment I am leaning towards family and friends. I have been so open and honest about my fertility from the very beginning and I want to help others like me deal with this. DH is leaning this way with me but before I open my big mouth to much more I need to make sure I am ok with this decision. I can't undo telling someone.
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