I Ovulated!!!!

I know I haven't posted in awhile but there really hasn't been much going on. Just me obsessing about ovulation. Well on CD 15 &16 my temp was doing what it did the last 3 cycles going a little higher but not above the coverline, so I was really really nervous that it wasn't going to happen. Well I got a big surprise yesterday, my temp dropped!!! Then today CD 18 my temp shot up above the cover line. I sent emails to my acupuncturist and herbist to tell them of the victory. I knew it was going to happen because I woke up all sweaty and hot. I noticed it coming on last night because I was hot!! Yeah Ovulation, IVF here we come!!!

Calendar Day(CD) 3

So today I did my CD 3 b/w and u/s. Part of me was really nervous because I didn't want my FSH to be high. I was afraid if it was to high it would effect our plans for IVF in January. At the u/s my right ovary had 2 cysts (2.1cm and 2cm). The u/s tech said they were medium sized cysts. This is kinda funny, while I was being probed one of the REs from the practice came in and was looking at my u/s pics. In my left ovary they saw one follicle. I know that I do have one and possible 1 or 2 more on the other side with the cysts. I was a little disappointed.

b/w: Well as for the b/w everything came back normal except for my FSH. My FSH was a little high it was 11.5. RE said this was fine to still proceed with our plan in January. It looks like all is going to work out perfectly for IVF in January. When my period shows on Dec 17 we will start BCP on CD 5 of that cycle. Then while I am away for the holidays I am on BCPs. That would put me coming in for u/s and b/w on Jan 4th to get this cycle going. Our 5th wedding anniversary is January 3rd. I pray that this is good luck for us.

Also it looks like there is no chance for us to get pregnant this cycle. I guess it would be a good one to just enjoy. Plus this has been a wake up call for my eating habits. These next couple months I am focusing on eating dairy free, wheat free, and sugar free.

Things come in 3's

OMG what a day!!! So about a week ago I was talking to my buddy who works with me about all the pregnancy announcements I have heard over the last 2 weeks. While talking to him I remembered that they were TTC also. I knew I needed to tell him it was ok to tell me if they were pregnant. Well guess what? Today he was like, "Suzie I was thinking of a funny way to tell you this but I couldn't figure a way to work the dentist into it." Of course I knew instantly that they were pregnant. I am starting to get a sixth sense about people being pregnant. Honestly, I think about them and the next thing I know, they are pregnant. Well it turns out also that his neighbor is pregnant who I have met a few times also. He was telling me about how sick she has been, in the back of my mind I wish for it. I wish to have morning sickness, breast tenderness, and other pregnancy symptoms. If that wasn't enough I came home to find out DH's cousin is pregnant also. I am honestly excited for her because she has struggled with infertility a little bit and was concerned that she couldn't get pregnant. I am so glad that she doesn't have to feel like I do.Well we all know the saying things come in 3's and I am hoping I have had my quota of pregnancy announcements this month. I think that is 4 announcements between friends and family, plus the pregnancy twins at the wedding.

Now I need to take some of my own advice and let go. It is funny how things like this all happen at the same time. I have all this crazy stuff going on with my cycles also. Friday I am going in for b/w and u/s to see what is going on. My greatest fear is that my FSH is high again and that I won't be able to do my last IVF cycle. I pray to god that this doesn't happen. Please let all my b/w come back normal.

AF already!!!

Yesterday I emailed my herbist about my low luteal phase temps. I was so positive that ovulation happened around day 14, right on time. Just a few days later my temp dropped a little bit, she thinks that the corpus luteam did fully develop. In other words it was a bad egg. So since it was a bad egg my body didn't produce the progesterone it needed to support a full luteal phase. Well this morning I took my temp and it dropped a bunch. When your temp drops like that it usually means one of two things (ovulation or AF). I was hoping it was ovulation. Well, I got to work and I found a big surprise, that I was completely unprepared for. This has been sooooo frustrating. This is the 3rd weird cycle in a row 24, 60, and 18 day cycles. What the heck is going on? So I talked to my herbist on the phone and she suggested that I get my day 3 blood work and ultra sound done. Called my RN in charge of me and asked to get blood work and ultra sound done. She gave me the go ahead!!! So it looks like Thursday getting everything checked again. I am a little afraid that my FSH is going to be high again. It hasn't been high since my second set of day 3 b/w and u/s. Please god let everything be normal!!!

Siblings

So, I am excited to that DH and I are going to be God Parents to my new little nephew. It really feels good to be chosen. It is like my sister K recognizes the mother in me that is dying to come out. Well my brother P just told my sister A that she is going be the God Mother of the twins. Honestly where did this come from? I think the thing that makes me mad is that she texts me and asks me if I am jealous. What do you say to that? Yes? No? What I am jealous of is the fact that they are parents and I am still waiting. Don't get me wrong I love them all but sometimes they make me so ANGRY!!! Live the last 2+ years in my shoes and see how you feel about all of this. I wish they understood.

A Date with DH

Today DH and I had a little date. Now that I think about it, it has been awhile since we have been on a date just the two of us. I just feel like there is just always something going on. So we went to go see the new Bond movie. DH was so cute he was in such a rush because he was convinced that there was going to be a line of people waiting to go into the theater on a Saturday for a 12:15 showing. Well we got there at 11:30 and there was NO ONE in the theater. So we got to just sit there and talk. I have to say it was on of the best dates we have had. As for the movie it was enjoyable.

TTC Update: Well I believe I officially ovulated this cycle. I guess I have to give myself at least one more day before I know for sure. This is the crazy thing about TTC, your body can always surprise you. I guess I worry about that now because the previous two cycle I didn't ovulate. This was very abnormal for me. It might have had something to do with the new herbs I was taking for those two months. My acupuncturist thinks they might have been to strong, my body is sensitive. The last couple days my boobs have been sore and I have been feeling bloated. I guess those might be normal ovulation signs but not for me. Something else that I noticed that was different is been a little crampy like AF (aunt flow) is coming.

So, I guess that puts me officially in the 2 week wait. For all of us who are TTC this is the longest 2 weeks of the month, especially for anyone who has been TTC more then a year. We ask analyze every little twinge and often have imaginary pregnancy symptoms. Is this going to be the month for us? I really don't think so but who knows.

Surrogacy Talk

So, I didn't plan on bringing this up to my sister K but it has been on my mind the last couple days. DH and are considering using surrogacy if this IVF doesn't work. It seems like I will have the choice between my two sisters. So I asked my sister K who just had a baby what she thought. It seems to me that should would be willing. The more I think about it the more I am OK with it. I am so ready to be a mom, I am so tired of being left out.

Well back two my two sisters K just had a baby and I wouldn't expect her to be ready for another till about Nov 09. While sister A is only 22 and has never been pregnant, I don't want to steal her 20's. Also A might be moving in with us in 2009 so it might be easier with her being here so I could watch our baby grow. Time will tell!!

A better day

I talked to my sister today for the second time since she has had her son. She sounds like a different person now. Honestly, I am doing better with everything today but my heart aches a little still. As excited as I am for this new baby I can't shake my sadness. When will it be my turn to feel this joy of being a new mom? I ask these questions more during times like this. I know many women dealing with infertility feel the same way I do at moments like this. This is when we pull on our strength to get us through. I guess it is time to start focusing on what is next. In January if my dear friend Aunt Flow (AF) agrees we will be giving IVF another shot. I know I have come to terms with the possibility of it not happening but I really want to be pregnant.

More Baby Bellies

DH (Dear Husband) and I took a trip to Florida this weekend for a friends wedding. We got in late on Thursday night. Friday was our free day and we went to the beach. It was a lot of fun to put my feet in the sand and swim in warm water. After the afternoon at the beach DH went to the rehearsal and I got ready at the hotel. When he got back he pulled me aside and said, "______and his wife are pregnant." My heart sank, I am feeling a little weak in my strength this week. This is due to my younger sister giving birth to her son this past week. Part of me wished he hadn't told me.

We got to the rehearsal dinner and as I am composing myself right in front of me are two pregnant women. Both of them looked so happy with their husbands and engaged in conversation. If this had happened a few months ago I would have been ok but today it hurt to look at their pregnant bellies. All I can think is that this should be me, I should be ready to pop at this point. I asked DH to go and get me a drink, so I drank my troubles away. I don't drink very often so this was sooo out of character. I have to say that it helped with my pain for that night but it didn't take it away.

Saturday was the wedding, DH and I got the church just in time for him to take his groomsmen pictures. I end up talking to one of the musicians wife's. She was very nice and had a very simular dating story to me and DH. But of course the kids question came up. I have decieded to take the response of, "It is up to the big guy upstairs when we are so blessed with children." I will usually get the "Oh" and then they leave it alone. If they want more of course they can ask. She didn't take it any farther. Well, we went out to go get seated and of course who are the people handing out programs, none other then the two pregnant bellies from the rehearsal dinner. The other wife asked them how far along they were, while I just ignored their bellies because all I felt was jealousy.

All in all it was an ok weekend and I did enjoy Florida. I just feel so bad that I reacted to the news so badly. I wish so badly I could have gotten past myself and talked with the two pregnant ladies, but I just couldn't. I wonder who is next, is it me finally or do I get to watch more strangers and friend have what I so desperately want.